november.06.2011

I haven't posted in a while. I've been up and been down. It's hard to say exactly where my head has been lately. I am unmotivated, that I can tell you though. I think it's the people in your life you fear, the conversations you are afraid of, and the moments that you never want to happen. I think that has something to do with it. It's just hard to let new people in when you can't figure out what you are letting them into. And the few you have let in have hurt you so deeply and so much. I'm not gonna be a downer in this post, well because I don't do that anymore. I'm never losing hope remember? It's just I wonder when its that point in your life when you understand what is going on, why things are happening the way they are happening.

I think I'm just scared. Scared of letting people in, letting them down, being let down, losing people I care about, and someone doing something that they will regret. If we are all trying to live our lives to the fullest, then why is there so much negative energy in this world of ours? Why must people start rumors, drama, hold a grudge, because in the end we all only have a certain amount of time. Why not live every moment you get, I mean if everything does happen for a reason, they in the end it will be okay. It's just one of those things, life. It has it's ups and it has it's down. I mean I guess you just need to find the people you care about and spend as much time as possible with them. And if they don't love you for you, then they aren't worth your time. Move on, be happy. It's your turn to shine, don't let anyone hold you back, or make up guidelines for your life. Live it the way you want to be remembered.