november.29.2011

You know how you always say today is the day things change? When exactly does that day happen? I'm hoping that today is that day. I'm tired of being perceived in a way I'm not. I'm tired of people not knowing me and judging me from what other people say. Those other people that say things do not know me either. If you find the need to talk about someone else behind their back and still called them your friends then you really need to learn what a friend is.

But today is that day. I don't want to let people get into my way, or to judge me for things I am not. I want to be loved for who I am and hated for what I'm not. I'm not the princess who doesn't make mistakes, nor am I the slut who doesn't have any respect for herself. I am a girl who makes mistakes, but I figure out how to make them right. I am a girl who will do anything for her friends. I am a girl who is still trying to figure out what I want to do in life, but I'm working on getting there.

So goodnight world, tomorrow is a new day. A fresh start. It's time for me to do things how I want to do them, and not let life's problems get in my way.

Never lose hope.

november.23.2011

So I know I seem to have missed the 22th, but I feel like I tend to do that a lot. Have you ever tried to change? Like charge for the better, and been trying really hard and have the people who believe you can do it, make fun of you for it? It's not a good feeling, not a warm fuzzy one you wanna cuddle with on a rainy day. I don't know why it is, maybe people just see you a certain way and they don't want to believe you can be a better individual. It's weird how that works. Fuck that. I am writing this in paper and ink, well I mean typing it on the computer, today is the day I be me.

I will not let other people's opinions take me down.

If something upsets me, I will talk about it at that moment.

If someone wants me to do something I don't agree with, I won't, no matter how hard they pressure me.

I will not be scared to trust people, if my heart gets broken well then I guess, another lesson learned.

If I lose my way, I will look up and let the stars help me through.

If someone tries to bring me down, I will not let them.

I am a good person, I have a good heart. I do not want bad things to happen to innocent people. My heart breaks every time I see a homeless person and cannot help them, save them. I will not judge, I will not talk about people behind their backs, I will not laugh at other people's weaknesses. I am stronger than I think and I believe. There's a reason I was put on the earth, just give me some time to figure it out!!!

november.15.2011

Today's quote - "People were created to be loved, things we created to be used. The reason the world is in chaos is things are being loved and people are being used."

How freaking true is this though. If I think back in my life, go through the years, and think about how many times I have been used and how many time those have hurt me, that's more than it should be fore sure. I'm not the type of person anymore who gets super hurt when I realize someone is just using me. I take their negative energy out of my life and move on. Why keep people in your life, and go through their ups and downs with them when they won't be there for you in your time of need. It's interesting when you find a group of friends that you truly believe are good people, and they slowly as you begin to know and understand them better they become the complete opposite. The weird thing is though, if anyone needed me I would be there for them no matter what. Even if we weren't as close as being best friends, even if we barely hung out. If someone called me up and was in trouble, I would be there no matter what. I think the reason is why I would be is that I have been there needing someone, and no one came, until I called the person who used to know me the best.

I feel like I have been through so much, and the things that keep me down are when I go back to my old ways. When I fall into my same old patterns of choosing the wrong friends and doing things that I do not believe are right and that I don't agree it.That peer pressure thing is a bitch, I know we all say we don't fall for it, but I mean we all do.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, only keep people in your life that make you happy, don't keep them in because it's convenient.

november.08.2011

I missed november 8th by 11 minutes this time.

I don't really have a whole lot to write right now, but I am trying to write every day so. I mean I guess the lesson I learned today is things get better.

november.07.2011

I know it's a few minutes into november 8th but this is still about november 7th. You ever have those days where no matter how hard you are working, or how hard you are trying your best it just isn't good enough? You all know those days I am talking about, those days were you just wanna sit in a hole and cry. Well, on these certain days, I have learned on how to get through them. You need to find the person that makes you happy and just talk to them. It will cheer you up, also it doesn't hurt to blare your music and dance around in your underwear! Trust me that always works. But things tend to look up after a dark period, things always get better. If you make a mistake, accept it and move on. If life throws you a curve ball swing, and if you miss figure out how to hit it next time.

Only have people in your life that you want there, that make you happy and are good people to be around. If someone continuously brings you down, or makes you do stuff you don't believe is right, don't let them affect your life.

It's your life, make the rules and live it the way you will be proud of.

november.06.2011

I haven't posted in a while. I've been up and been down. It's hard to say exactly where my head has been lately. I am unmotivated, that I can tell you though. I think it's the people in your life you fear, the conversations you are afraid of, and the moments that you never want to happen. I think that has something to do with it. It's just hard to let new people in when you can't figure out what you are letting them into. And the few you have let in have hurt you so deeply and so much. I'm not gonna be a downer in this post, well because I don't do that anymore. I'm never losing hope remember? It's just I wonder when its that point in your life when you understand what is going on, why things are happening the way they are happening.

I think I'm just scared. Scared of letting people in, letting them down, being let down, losing people I care about, and someone doing something that they will regret. If we are all trying to live our lives to the fullest, then why is there so much negative energy in this world of ours? Why must people start rumors, drama, hold a grudge, because in the end we all only have a certain amount of time. Why not live every moment you get, I mean if everything does happen for a reason, they in the end it will be okay. It's just one of those things, life. It has it's ups and it has it's down. I mean I guess you just need to find the people you care about and spend as much time as possible with them. And if they don't love you for you, then they aren't worth your time. Move on, be happy. It's your turn to shine, don't let anyone hold you back, or make up guidelines for your life. Live it the way you want to be remembered.