december.29.2011

It's hard to grow up when people are constantly pushing you down. It's hard to think about how much you have grown and matured when every time you are around these people the same side of you comes out. It's hard to be your own person when the time that it really matters, you speak up for once and you are shut down in the worst way possible. Yea, life is hard. Living is hard.

It's hard to trust people when they put you down so much, it's hard to believe in anything when everything has let you down. It's hard to keep getting better and then falling back into the same dark hole.

Yes life is hard. But I think things get better, in the end things get better. I have yet to reach the point in time where things do get better, but I still have hope, and that's all I need.

december.25.2011

Merry Christmas right?

It's weird to think how people's lives would go on without you, like the wouldn't notice anything different. It's weird to think how much better people's lives would be without some of the problems people cause them. That's weird to think about if you ask me.

I know this is different than any of my other posts, but this is because I am in a different place, and I hate being in this place. I hate living here. I just want to go back to the place that makes me happy, but turns out I won't even have that anymore. I won't have a place that is just mine, an escape. I don't know if I am going to be as happy as I have been there anymore or if he is just going to ruin my whole experience.

december.18.2011

I guess it's the Christmas spirit eh?

The only one problem with this time of year is the stress that happens within a family. I don't really have a whole lot to say about this but I will keep you updated.

december.6.2011

Change is weird. Like the days change, the weather changes, styles change, but do we really every change? I think so. I think it just takes some time. I think even the most damaged people can turn their life around if they really wanted to, and believed they were a better person.

I hate it when I see the most talented, smartest, most amazing people fighting with themselves. I can only tell them so many times how amazing they are, and how much I respect them and how much I adore them, but that only gets you so far.

I've never had a person like this in my life before. Someone who believes that I am a stronger person but helps me through all the dark times. I know we aren't gonna be together forever, and I know they are just here to help me through this part of my life, but I mean it is amazing to find a friend like this. They know when I am in trouble and they know when I need them. It's like they are reading my mind without me saying a word, but when I do have a lot to say they are gladly willing to listen. It just amazes me that you have to meet so many bad people in your life, that treat you bad and misread you until you find someone who really sticks in your head.

Thank you for everything.

november.29.2011

You know how you always say today is the day things change? When exactly does that day happen? I'm hoping that today is that day. I'm tired of being perceived in a way I'm not. I'm tired of people not knowing me and judging me from what other people say. Those other people that say things do not know me either. If you find the need to talk about someone else behind their back and still called them your friends then you really need to learn what a friend is.

But today is that day. I don't want to let people get into my way, or to judge me for things I am not. I want to be loved for who I am and hated for what I'm not. I'm not the princess who doesn't make mistakes, nor am I the slut who doesn't have any respect for herself. I am a girl who makes mistakes, but I figure out how to make them right. I am a girl who will do anything for her friends. I am a girl who is still trying to figure out what I want to do in life, but I'm working on getting there.

So goodnight world, tomorrow is a new day. A fresh start. It's time for me to do things how I want to do them, and not let life's problems get in my way.

Never lose hope.

november.23.2011

So I know I seem to have missed the 22th, but I feel like I tend to do that a lot. Have you ever tried to change? Like charge for the better, and been trying really hard and have the people who believe you can do it, make fun of you for it? It's not a good feeling, not a warm fuzzy one you wanna cuddle with on a rainy day. I don't know why it is, maybe people just see you a certain way and they don't want to believe you can be a better individual. It's weird how that works. Fuck that. I am writing this in paper and ink, well I mean typing it on the computer, today is the day I be me.

I will not let other people's opinions take me down.

If something upsets me, I will talk about it at that moment.

If someone wants me to do something I don't agree with, I won't, no matter how hard they pressure me.

I will not be scared to trust people, if my heart gets broken well then I guess, another lesson learned.

If I lose my way, I will look up and let the stars help me through.

If someone tries to bring me down, I will not let them.

I am a good person, I have a good heart. I do not want bad things to happen to innocent people. My heart breaks every time I see a homeless person and cannot help them, save them. I will not judge, I will not talk about people behind their backs, I will not laugh at other people's weaknesses. I am stronger than I think and I believe. There's a reason I was put on the earth, just give me some time to figure it out!!!

november.15.2011

Today's quote - "People were created to be loved, things we created to be used. The reason the world is in chaos is things are being loved and people are being used."

How freaking true is this though. If I think back in my life, go through the years, and think about how many times I have been used and how many time those have hurt me, that's more than it should be fore sure. I'm not the type of person anymore who gets super hurt when I realize someone is just using me. I take their negative energy out of my life and move on. Why keep people in your life, and go through their ups and downs with them when they won't be there for you in your time of need. It's interesting when you find a group of friends that you truly believe are good people, and they slowly as you begin to know and understand them better they become the complete opposite. The weird thing is though, if anyone needed me I would be there for them no matter what. Even if we weren't as close as being best friends, even if we barely hung out. If someone called me up and was in trouble, I would be there no matter what. I think the reason is why I would be is that I have been there needing someone, and no one came, until I called the person who used to know me the best.

I feel like I have been through so much, and the things that keep me down are when I go back to my old ways. When I fall into my same old patterns of choosing the wrong friends and doing things that I do not believe are right and that I don't agree it.That peer pressure thing is a bitch, I know we all say we don't fall for it, but I mean we all do.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, only keep people in your life that make you happy, don't keep them in because it's convenient.

november.08.2011

I missed november 8th by 11 minutes this time.

I don't really have a whole lot to write right now, but I am trying to write every day so. I mean I guess the lesson I learned today is things get better.

november.07.2011

I know it's a few minutes into november 8th but this is still about november 7th. You ever have those days where no matter how hard you are working, or how hard you are trying your best it just isn't good enough? You all know those days I am talking about, those days were you just wanna sit in a hole and cry. Well, on these certain days, I have learned on how to get through them. You need to find the person that makes you happy and just talk to them. It will cheer you up, also it doesn't hurt to blare your music and dance around in your underwear! Trust me that always works. But things tend to look up after a dark period, things always get better. If you make a mistake, accept it and move on. If life throws you a curve ball swing, and if you miss figure out how to hit it next time.

Only have people in your life that you want there, that make you happy and are good people to be around. If someone continuously brings you down, or makes you do stuff you don't believe is right, don't let them affect your life.

It's your life, make the rules and live it the way you will be proud of.

november.06.2011

I haven't posted in a while. I've been up and been down. It's hard to say exactly where my head has been lately. I am unmotivated, that I can tell you though. I think it's the people in your life you fear, the conversations you are afraid of, and the moments that you never want to happen. I think that has something to do with it. It's just hard to let new people in when you can't figure out what you are letting them into. And the few you have let in have hurt you so deeply and so much. I'm not gonna be a downer in this post, well because I don't do that anymore. I'm never losing hope remember? It's just I wonder when its that point in your life when you understand what is going on, why things are happening the way they are happening.

I think I'm just scared. Scared of letting people in, letting them down, being let down, losing people I care about, and someone doing something that they will regret. If we are all trying to live our lives to the fullest, then why is there so much negative energy in this world of ours? Why must people start rumors, drama, hold a grudge, because in the end we all only have a certain amount of time. Why not live every moment you get, I mean if everything does happen for a reason, they in the end it will be okay. It's just one of those things, life. It has it's ups and it has it's down. I mean I guess you just need to find the people you care about and spend as much time as possible with them. And if they don't love you for you, then they aren't worth your time. Move on, be happy. It's your turn to shine, don't let anyone hold you back, or make up guidelines for your life. Live it the way you want to be remembered.

September.11.2011

Today is a day of remembrance. It's more than just a day to remember all those lives that were lost and the pain that was caused. It's a day to change, a day to make the world a better place. A day to believe in yourself. A day to change the way you look at the world, the way you look at your problems and a way of life. So many lives were lost, so many families broken, and today is the day where you change the way you stand. You now stand tall, stand tall with a purpose, stand tall and don't let anyone knock you down.

It's time to only have people in your life that you want, and that make you happy. Leave a positive impact in the world. Today is the day where your past is the past, and you have to leave it in the past. Head up, even when the worst things possible have happened, life goes on. The sun always shines again.

Never lose hope.

September.5.2011

I think the problem is that I can't see the stars here. I think I tend to lose my way because I need to remember them, I need to believe in myself again. I need to remember to have hope, without hope things tend to go in ways they shouldn't.

Drinking is a very interesting thing, if you think about it. We all drink to relax ourselves, or to forget something that is causing us pain. It can be fun or can be dangerous. In my case, when I lose hope, I get crazy. And shit gets dangerous, but as long as I have people who care about me, everything works out.

Never lose hope.

august.31.2011

The heart is an interesting thing. I mean it beats and helps keep you alive but it also fights with your mind and tells you one thing when the right thing is the other. I believe every person who you care about in your life, will always have a piece of your heart no matter how bad or good or however things ended. Its just interesting how one person can be such a huge part of your life one day and the next day things can completely change.

Its not that I'm completely heart broken. I knew that breaking up would be the thing that was needed, but I'm sad because there is so much of his life that I wanted to be a part of, but I never will. I wanted the future with this one. I wanted him to be different.

Everything happens for a reason, right?

august.23.2011

Hope is really all you need in the world. You can lose everyone in your life. Fail at everything you do. Disappoint people who thought they could count on you. As long as you keep hope in your heart, and your head above the water, you'll be okay. Even the littlest amount of hope can give you the strength to carry on.

Have you ever been down and just listened to those songs that tug on your heart strings and begin to cry even harder. It's when I am at those points that I remember to have hope. Remember to believe in myself, give me strength, give me courage. Give me a reason to live another day. Each day is a new beginning, you can't rewrite the past. Yea you fucked up, shit happens right? Get over it, move on. Look up at the stars and realize you are here for a reason, try and figure out what that reason is.

august.21.2011

Have you ever just looked up at the stars? I mean not counted them, not looked for a shooting star, not think about any of your problems, just look up and the stars and realized how beautiful they truly are? I feel like most people in the world, don't take the time to just look up and enjoy the simple things. Every time I look up at the stars, I smile, I know everything is going to be okay. No matter what, every night the stars are in the sky. We take too much for granted now a days. Everyone wants things to be bigger, better, more expensive; everyone just wants to show off. We should just enjoy the people we have in our lives, we shouldn't take anything for granted. I wish the world would go back to being simple. Making people feel wanted and help those in need. Give life to those who don't believe anymore, help those who are sick or suffering. Not to sound cheesy or cliche, but finally bring peace back into the world? I feel like no matter where I turn, hate is there. No matter how hard people try to bring out the peace and love, hate and war still live within these countries of ours.

I don't know. Doesn't everyone have 30 seconds they can spend to just stare at the stars?